Category Archives: overheard pearls from granny smith

overheard pearls from granny smith (5)

Thanks to the records of Rev. Dr. R.D.C.

1. That fool is blind in one eye and can’t see out the other.

2. Give me my book, I’ve got the back door trots.

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overheard pearls from granny smith (4)

1. This coffee’s colder than a turd. 2. I should know. Just had the worst case of the back door trots I’ve had since the Great Ache in ‘39. 3. Sometimes I’m blind in one eye and can’t see out the other, and I stumbled on a frozen dropping. 4. But gosh all hemlock, my gut heavier than a ton of bricks, I got to the privy. 5. It ain’t built like a brick shit house, but it’s home.

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overheard pearls from granny smith (3)

1. Friday night those kids get half cat and dog wild.

2. I’ve got to pee so bad I can taste it.

3. That politician is crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.

4. [Upon stubbing her toe]: Poop in a pail!

5. That’s as useless as balls on a heifer.

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overheard pearls from granny smith (2)

1. That dog wouldn’t know me from Adam’s nightshirt.

2. This butter-churn is as useless as teats on a boar hog.

3. Gosh all hemlock, don’t surprise me like that!

4. Does a bear shit in the woods? [i.e. Is the Pope Catholic?]

5. I’m so hungry I could eat a hog and a biscuit.

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overheard pearls from granny smith (1)

  1.  I was stuck like a fart in a mitten trying to get out the thumb.
  2.  This chocolate is as pure as an unwed mother.
  3.  This privy stinks so bad it would knock a maggot off a gut cart.
  4. I’ll tell him where the cat got in the buckwheat.
  5.  It’s hotter than a bull’s ass at fly time.
  6. This bulb gives as much light as a white bean in a black cat’s ass.

 

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