1. This coffee’s colder than a turd. 2. I should know. Just had the worst case of the back door trots I’ve had since the Great Ache in ‘39. 3. Sometimes I’m blind in one eye and can’t see out the other, and I stumbled on a frozen dropping. 4. But gosh all hemlock, my gut heavier than a ton of bricks, I got to the privy. 5. It ain’t built like a brick shit house, but it’s home.